Crossing the border from between Nazran, Ingushetia and Grozny, we passed through three army checkpoints, manned by Russian guards in helmets and Kevlar vests and armed with AK-47s. Huge men with ruthless eyes, they looked like they’d pull the triggers of their automatic weapons at the slightest hint of provocation. They narrowed their eyes and stared at us, slowly scanning our faces then comparing them to our passports. Each time their icy eyes lifted from the passports to us, the rope of tension between us and them pulled a little tighter. Their suffocating gaze pressed down hard on us, and their angry silence held the possibility of explosive violence. It made it hard to breathe. Fear was something I had rarely experienced directly. Finally, they waved us through. By the time we cleared the third checkpoint, the car smelled of sweat.
Sleuthing My Medical Mystery
When I was healthy, I had the luxury of forgetting that my immune system functioned as a precise, intra-related cellular cascade. Suddenly, however, at the age of 45, I quickly transformed from a once-vibrant and high-achieving psychiatrist and ultra-marathoner—running ten miles during breaks between caring for patients—to a sickly, immunocompromised, and bed-ridden patient. My illness began when I was engaged in humanitarian work with war victims in Chechnya, where I was seen as challenging Russian policy and poisoned with what I suspect was anthrax.