Inspiration

Mouth Wide Open: Stop the Cycles of Terrorism

Mouth Wide Open:  Stop the Cycles of Terrorism

The brutal oppression of Chechens is mirrored in the ongoing genocide of Palestinians in Gaza. The retaliatory violence in the Middle East—more than 13,000 Palestinian children have been killed since the Israeli assault began 2—nullifies the virulent sides reifying the retaliation because in truth this is an intricate test of our belief in the sanctity of human life. While the world argues left/right and chicken/egg, Palestinians are out of time. Where is the world’s outrage at such catastrophic proportions for the continuing pageant of the desecration of human life in Gaza? 

Are you a Wolf in Sheep's Clothing?—See & Stop Bullying

There’s a lot going on in our worlds. Sending our children back to school and adults physically heading back to offices during it all has been fraught with a mixture of relief, apprehension, fear, anger and anxiety.  In this new world where we’re doing our best amidst seemingly insurmountable circumstances, it has never been more important to stay kind, respectful, and mindful of bullying behavior – both within ourselves, and in others. Yes, we can be on both sides of bullying, and no matter what’s going on in our environment, bullying is never acceptable and it’s essential we call it out to stop it in its tracks.

While most people are navigating the known with the unknown, ever-changing circumstances and mandates with personal options for need and choice the best they can, unfortunately others are lashing out as a result of fear, anger, lack of control and other triggers, using their forum of choice to bully. Bullying can be pronounced and obvious, or subtle, much harder to recognize. Whether it’s an attempt to impose ones’ beliefs, or efforts to exclude, undermine, belittle, demean, humiliate or gain a perceived sense of control, bullying is dangerous, making early spotting of potential bullying critical to better the chances for intervention.

Often thought of as a childhood affliction exclusively reserved for school settings (commonly shown in films), bullies aren’t born—they’re made. This cycle begins for those who grow up with bullying in their homes. Whether it is directed at you or you see it happening in your home and family, you can develop a problem with knowing what is acceptable interaction and communication. Bullies also act the way they do due to a lack of parental love and recognition. Because they feel insecure, bullies abuse others to try to feel powerful. Sadly, bullying doesn’t stop once puberty is over. Many adults experience bullying of some form in their romantic relationships, families, online, in community organizations, and in their workplace.  Despite the benefit of decades for additional emotional development, adults still bully. Why? Jealousies, and the pressure to conform and control or feel powerful often play a role. Even if bullying, cruelty, rudeness, and dismissiveness seem low-key, they can have devastating consequences. Often the result of bullying, is that sometimes tragically the shamed person who is marginalized feels that the only way to retaliate is to resort to senseless violence and even mass shootings. If we can support and recognize those who are alienated, sometimes a simple act of kindness and empathy can avert tragic consequences of domestic mass shootings.

These new times bring us growth opportunities. We are all navigating decisions normally private, respect others’ choices and accept differences, whilst doing what you need to do to keep yourself and your families safe.  Life has been getting harder for many and no one needs added stress of judgment and bullying. Listen to understand differences, without prejudgment. You may not agree with someone’s perspective, and that’s OK. Humanity by nature will never all feel the same or make the same choices – that’s why they make chocolate and vanilla ice cream along with sherbet and vegan sorbet.  With all the forms of bullying clearly defined, it makes it easier to spot when we see others at its receiving end, and see when we engage in it ourselves. When you see others being bullied, do you speak up? Wouldn’t you want someone to speak up for you or your child? Bullying is often a complicated mix of pain, resentment, lack of confidence, and abusive anger.

Whether you’re a parent helping to guide and protect your kids or simply an adult experiencing bullying in any form, the best way to deal with bullies is not to get angry, scared, or flustered, as this is often what the bully desires. If you feel safe enough, assert yourself verbally and tell them to “Stop their abuse, that it is embarrassing (mostly to the bully) and to show you respect.” Try to develop as much emotional distance as you can from the bully, so that you are less adversely affected by negative emotions and can carry on with your life.

Know that you are not powerless – there are resources and tools and support to both help defend and protect yourself and loved ones as well as transform ourselves. With strength, courage and hope inherent in us all – we can move through and shift whatever comes our way. If you are a victim of bullying, seek help with trusted friends, professionals and/or the authorities to put yourself on a path to healing with support.  If we can look at everyone – including bullies – with compassion, we can gain greater insight and solutions that can help everyone.

5 Steps to Thrive the Outcome of the Election

5 Steps to Thrive the Outcome of the Election

As if 2020 couldn’t get any more challenging, we’re at the precipice of one of the most contentious elections in recent memory as a nation, with reports that the end (results) may not be in clear sight. Dealing with uncertainty, navigating disappointment and regulating emotions are essential life skills in ‘normal times’. This year, the stakes feel higher with reports of suppression, intimidation, threats and conflicting information from both sides. Ready or not, we’re being called to up-level our resilience. So what do you do if your candidate of choice doesn't win the election? You …

Recently published in The Journal of Psychohistory

Recently published in The Journal of Psychohistory

I'm pleased to share that my article, "Terrorism and the Psychoanalytic Origins," has been accepted for publication in The Journal of Psychohistory (JOP), a peer reviewed journal. JOP is focused on Psychohistory, the science of historical motivations, combining the insights of psychotherapy with the research methodology of the social sciences to understand the emotional origin of the social and political behavior of groups and nations, past and present.

Kindness, Goodness & Service / Seven Days of Gratitude

Kindness, Goodness & Service / Seven Days of Gratitude

It's said that necessity is the mother of all invention. Being thrust into new ways of living and being has brought extreme hardships, yet also creating opportunities for generosity, kindness and service. Today, I'm grateful for a renaissance of service to mankind and general goodwill and goodness I'm seeing in the world. For some, volunteering, service and pro bono work has been an important part of their lives. For others, this pandemic has sparked an expansion of the heart, moving people into action and a new way of being with service and kindness at the forefront. We are seeing the other person

Spirituality for Transcendence / Seven Days of Gratitude

Spirituality for Transcendence / Seven Days of Gratitude

I’m grateful for my spiritual practice, which includes regular meditation, mindfulness and other practices like contemplation and ‘daily gratitude.’ Dedicating this precious time with myself and treating it as a non-negotiable in my life helps to keep me centered, calm, grounded, kind, peaceful and self-aware – increasingly important given our global environment. Mindfulness practices, including meditation and other practices, can also be key to understanding one’s emotions in order to make different life choices and transform suffering – important in any environment. The best part? Everyone can do this and it doesn’t cost a thing.

Staying Connected through Technology / Seven Days of Gratitude

Staying Connected through Technology / Seven Days of Gratitude

Recently, I have been VERY grateful for technology and social media while I stay at home. Technology has been such an integral part of our lives for so long that it can be easy to take it for granted, and we can forget that it's a luxury. I use it for work of course, but also increasingly to stay connected with family, friends and patients, and to inspire others and be inspired by others. While it's not a substitute for an in-person connection, technology has helped ease our global pivot to staying safe at home to be less painful. FaceTiming and video calls with our loved ones has never felt so important. Zoom happy hours anyone?

Open your Creativity and Let it Fly / Seven Days of Gratitude

Open your Creativity and Let it Fly / Seven Days of Gratitude

Today, I'm grateful for creativity. It feels GOOD to be creative in any form of expression and creativity provides a host of benefits that are particularly helpful in our current global moment. Did you know, pursuing creative activities can help to reduce stress and anxiety, spark healing, bring a sense of purpose and accomplishment, AND improve your mood? With our lives and routines uprooted and isolation being a way of life for the time being, creativity can be an important key in managing change and thriving through challenging times. Professionally, as a psychiatrist and analyst, I encourage creativity as a part of the therapeutic process, as it's been proven to be a powerful avenue for healing. Personally, I enjoy creative writing

Back to Basics, with a Smile / Seven Days of Gratitude

Back to Basics, with a Smile / Seven Days of Gratitude

Today, I'm grateful to get back-to-basics exercising. We've all been deprived of our normal routines. With all of the rain we've been getting on the east coast, I'm relegated to working out at home to maintain my emotional, mental and physical well-being. I know that if we need an excuse we'll find one, and that cardio is possible in studio apartments and bedrooms - dancing or jumping jacks anyone? When I started training for Ironmans a decade ago, I didn't have a gym membership. The streets were my gym. So I returned to my fitness roots using an approach that marries MacGyver with a can-do attitude. Got a couch?

Enjoying a Slower Pace / Seven Days of Gratitude

Enjoying a Slower Pace / Seven Days of Gratitude

In the spirit of encouraging us all to focus on what we DO have - our blessings, and what I want to see grow, I’ll be planting seeds of gratitude the next 7 days, and hope you’ll join me in helping to spread positivity and joy. Half-empty or half-full, my glass just IS, and I’m ever so grateful that I have a glass. Cheers to whatever’s in yours!

Three Gifts of Coronavirus

Three Gifts of Coronavirus

While grieving alongside the world, I am awake and aware. Many are suffering through uncertainty, stress of loneliness, unemployment, lack of income, home-schooling and social-isolation. Despite all the death, suffering and financial challenges, there is a silver lining in the coronavirus pandemic if we are still enough to see. In shining a light on a few of the positive outcomes, my intention is to help uplift us …

Coping with Coronavirus

Coping with Coronavirus

The outbreak of Coronavirus can be stressful. Fear about an invisible enemy can cause fear, anxiety, and panic. Coping with stress makes you stronger and helps those around you to be calmer. Those with preexisting mental health conditions need to continue their medication and treatment. Be aware of new or worsening symptoms. We are all in this together, and if we look at the positive, it will bring us closer and more connected. Here are 10 tips to reduce stress and anxiety:

Promoting Greater Mental Health: Everyone’s Responsibility

Promoting Greater Mental Health: Everyone’s Responsibility

Shhh. Don’t tell anyone. We all grew up on the giving and receiving end of that plea that carried with it a great burden and fear – holders of a secret, or worse, a code of silence.

For decades, unwritten codes of silence plagued the military, police force, politics, corporate cultures and even families, causing unnecessary suffering and injustice. Staying quiet and silence ran deep in our collective consciousness.

See Spot Run

See Spot Run

Spot came to me whenever I felt sad, and she never betrayed me. One day, while playing ice hockey on a lake with my brothers and the other boys in the neighborhood, I skated over a hidden log in the ice and fell hard, smashing my head on the frozen lake. When I awoke, I saw a circle of kids standing around me, and they teased me, claiming I was faking injury. None of us knew I’d sustained a concussion. Spot came over and licked my face. I slowly got to my feet, but I could not remember the way home. My dog led the way.

Counterphobia

Counterphobia

Crossing the border from between Nazran, Ingushetia and Grozny, we passed through three army checkpoints, manned by Russian guards in helmets and Kevlar vests and armed with AK-47s. Huge men with ruthless eyes, they looked like they’d pull the triggers of their automatic weapons at the slightest hint of provocation. They narrowed their eyes and stared at us, slowly scanning our faces then comparing them to our passports. Each time their icy eyes lifted from the passports to us, the rope of tension between us and them pulled a little tighter. Their suffocating gaze pressed down hard on us, and their angry silence held the possibility of explosive violence. It made it hard to breathe. Fear was something I had rarely experienced directly. Finally, they waved us through. By the time we cleared the third checkpoint, the car smelled of sweat.

Four Benefits of Running

Four Benefits of Running

As a psychiatrist, running has become an antidote for a profession that is primarily sedentary and cerebral. Running allows me to release the day’s stress. Preparation for the marathon required training five days a week during the spring and summer. It was a new sport full of challenge and excitement. Despite the anxiety in not knowing if my body could go the distance, my “long” runs eventually extended to eighteen miles. I grew more confident. Finally, it was marathon morning.

Through the Eye of a Whale: Surrendering to Find Psychospiritual Meaning

Through the Eye of a Whale: Surrendering to Find Psychospiritual Meaning

As I moved emotionally forward and inward in order to surrender to write a memoir, the symbol of Molly taught me to insulate my creative energies more conservatively and efficiently. Whales have an ancient knowledge of how to use the creative force of breath to conserve oxygen under water by decreasing blood flow to areas of their body where it’s nonessential. Thinking about my Molly, an ancient symbol for creation, showed me the magnificence and power of my own creativity. I learned not to keep myself small but to embrace my vulnerabilities and shine to find my authentic voice. My inner corrective emotional experience bookended by my whale dream and my encounter with Molly marked more than a decade of inner spiritual growth. As a result of being ill, I awakened to my true self and divinity.

Amma - The Hugging Saint

Amma - The Hugging Saint

Amma reminded me of my true inner gracious state. It felt auspicious and an intense honor to be held within Amma’s divinely feminine energy. My inner sense of grace remained with me throughout that sacred day.

Amma’s simple yet profound conviction – that each of us has a responsibility to lend a helping hand to those less fortunate – resonates deeply within my soul.